#82

March 31st 2015

Hi! I didn't say anything about yesterday. 

Yesterday I was sick and it started as a bad day so I was about to quit track, I seriously thought about, but then... I realized that sometimes I have to push more when I'm tired of something or do it one more time every time. I don't want to be a quitter but I don't want to lose. 

Ones you reach the bottom you can only come back to the top. 

Yesterday it was an easy work out and today was hard one but I was in the back gym lifting because I was sick so the couch told me I could stay there. I didn't do much because I felt dizzy all day and when I got home I ate so much food that I couldn't walk. 

I would like to have more time tonight to write but I need to go to bed that it's almost midnight and it's two morning that I don't wake up. Good night. 

#81

March 30th 2015 

Hi! The last two days I kept myself busy so I went to bed late and I couldn't write anything both nights. My weekend was good. Saturday I went to the mall all day with my best friend and the brother came later and he stayed with us; I know that go to the mall with who guys it's crazy, I realized it then it was too late (just kidding). 

 Yesterday, that was Sunday, I went in the morning to the photographer to take family pictures and then during the evening I went with my best friend and other two new girls to the movie theater to see Insurgent. Bit the  most important day is today, just because it's today

So today I went to school late because I couldn't wake me up and then I went to track practice again, and I did homework; normal week day. 

So, let's start from Saturday...it was a good day. We, my best friend and I, went to the mall around lunch time and we decided to stop to the sushi place, I ate vegetables roll that was so good. I'm in love with sushi. I can't consider it real sushi because there was no fish. After we ate, his brother came over and since he was waiting for other friends to call him he stayed with us. We then together went around and bought a lot of things. Usually when I go to try clothes in the changing room l'm always less positive that when I got in, but this time was different: I started trying on pair of shorts of my size and they were too big, then I took a pair of jeans, which I love, and when I tried on at the beginning were hard to wear, because of  my calves and this was never a problem before, but then they were perfect!!! It turned my day to an awesome day. 

Maybe is not much but considering that before I came here everybody was saying that I have to be prepared psychologically that I would take a lot of weight staying in the US, now that I feel comfortable, almost comfortable, to wear fancy clothes is a big step. I gained weight, this is true, but not as much as I expected. 

After crazy shopping we all went to their house and we stayed there for dinner and then we went bowling with another girl, the girl that the brother is hanging out with. It was like a double date but with friends and it was "fun" even if we didn't play bowling because there wasn't any space available. So we were sitting on a table eating chips and drinking water. 

The next day, Sunday that is also yesterday, my family and I went to take family pictures. I loved it, it was really fun. Here is a big thing, my family does that every time that a kid is born, and the family can take pictures and the baby is the protagonist. 

Then I realized that in Italy I don't have any family pictures, no even taken with my phone or other devices, so when I'll be back this is one of the thing I'll do. 

When I was back home great-grandma came to visit us, then I made skype with my friend in Italy? workout for a few minutes and that I got ready to go to the movie theater with some new friends and my best friend. Yes I know I spend all the time with my best friend here! 

This two new friends are the exchange student and one of them is from Italy too and the other one is from Ecuador, the same state where my best friend is from and they knew each other already but for me was the guy time I met her and the Italian girl too. 

They are so nice and we want to hang out more together, probably next weekend we are doing something and I it my best friend's brother is coming too, it's going to be fun! 

The movie that we saw was good but at the begging I couldn't follow what was going on because I didn't see the first one, but from the middle it was all clear. 

It was a good weekend for me and I hope it was for you too. 

About today there is not much to say but if I remember something important I'll write tomorrow. Good night  

#80

March 27th 2015

Hi! Today is another day of spring break and I'm not ready to go back to school. This week is going too fast. 

This days I'm so tired because I can't sleep during the night. I'm sick, my nose is closed so I sleep with my mouth open and I wake up every second. Tomorrow I hope to have enother energy because it will be a long day: family pictures and then I'm going to the mall. 

Today was a pretty long day too, I  was again supposed to go to a place with a friend but I gave up anymore, so I went to my friend house to finish a school project. We have to do a Dracula film and today we did the editing of the video that is not finished yet. We spent all day on it, 3:00pm until 10:00pm, with some breaks in between but still a busy afternoon. 

Before I went to my friend house, I sewed a lunch bag to use at school instead of use the paper bags every time. I like it and I think is useful, I'll do more because I have fun doing it. 

By the way, the video is good but embarrassing and thinking to show it to the class makes it worst. 

This is really all I've done today and I don't have much more to say. 

Another thing, today when I was with my friend I showed her a video of a Kerry Washington' speech where she was talking about gay marriage. I think like her, that we shouldn't let the government decide about who we should love, and she also brought an example of years ago where marriage between different race wasn't legal and now those people are against there own interest not supporting the marriage between people of the same sex. Being homosexual is not a new thing, it's not something you decide to be, it's always existed but people didn't talked much about it and it's the same thing as being heterosexual, you can't decide. 

#79

March 26th 2015 

Hi! Today my plane changed. So I went to an art exposion of my best friend's school. I loved every single piece. I was super exited after that because I wanted to do something artistic, to be better in painting and drowning or to improve in something artistic and to do something. Then I thought about the only activity I could do: sewing. I spent all night thinking about what I wanted to sew with the pieces of fabric that I had and then I decided to do iPad cases. I first I decided the fabric to use, then I tried to do a case with another fabric, because I know that the fist piece never turn out good, and then I made other two cases: one for my sister, with the fabric that she chose, and one for me. I think that they turned out good, at least I made the case that I had in mind. 

I cannot do as much at the machine as I would like, I can do some kind of back, case or I don't know what else because I never tried to do more. 

See now I understand, I don't go farter than what I can do, because I don't want to fail, but like this I'll never do anything in my life. 

So now I want to try and If I fail I'll try again. This is a deal always present in life that I finally want to go for it every time. 

#78

March 25th 2015 

Hi! Yesterday I was about to post something but when I woke up this morning I realized that all I wrote was the data. I don't know what I wanted to post, but today is another day. 

So I woke up this morning and it was pretty late, it was lunch time and I couldn't move from my bed. When I finally did it I went downstairs and ate with my family. I had something organized for the afternoon, since I past the last two days doing nothing. My friend pick me up to go to the theater and we saw Focus, the new movie with Will Smith.

It was a good movie and my grandma here said the same, but the weird thing was that when I was watching it I was saying: "OMG he's so hot". But then I looked  on Internet how old he is: 46 years old. I was schoked! My parents are younger than him and I think that he's hot! That's crazy! Whatever he's hot the same, nothing can change this! 

So the movie was good and we were the only two people in the theater which made it more fun because we could do whatever we wanted. 

I had a good time today. 

After the movie I went home and eat dinner with my family and then I went to another friend house, he's in my school too. We played video games and watched a movie. I never played video game, only FIFA when I was really young, so I was really bad at that game; we had to shoot people and I died every time. The movie was Scary Movie 2, it was funny but too fake. I can't want scary movies because then I can't sleep, but I can watch the Scary Movie because is funny. 

For tomorrow I have other plans but I will write tomorrow about it. 

I'm trying to keep me busy during this  break. Good night. 

#77

March 23rd 2015

Hi! Today is been the fist day of spring break and tough went so fast. I woke up early to go to school for track practices. Tomorrow morning I have to do the same. 

I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying home and I'm OK with it. My classmates in Italy are staying the week in Nederland, as a school vacation, so if I was there I'll be in vacation with them. But then I think about the relationship in my class that people have and that I have with them and I'm happy not to be there. 

I want to be honest when I write in this blog. 

I remember last here when I went on vacation with part of my class in Italy, I was always trying to keep the class together, but some people wanted to just stay on their own, with their restricted group. I was left off with other two friends and they continued to tell me to let the others without try over and over to stay together. 

But I kept trying and trying, I was always hoping, and when I brought my friends together with the rest of the class, they were ignoring us. 

I stopped trying after that. I don't like to feel excluded, and honestly here I felt it a lot. 

So at the end what changed?... nothing?! no I'm wrong because I changed. I'm not the same person that I was before. I will act in the same way but I will react and respond in a different way every time. My philosophy It will be: "should I care". 

#76

March 22nd 2015

Hi! Today I woke up late, my friends woke me up, coming into the room and as soon as I saw them I knew that they wanted to put something on my face. I know it because they tried last time too. Then when I came back home I was so tired that I lay down on the bed for few hours; when I finally went downstairs, I ate something and then I held my little brother  for the rest of the time.

He's only 3 days old and he's absolutely adorable. 

Tomorrow is Monday and I don't have school because I have Spring break this next week but I still have to go to practise in the morning for track. I'm so lazy that I don't want to go but I feel like I have to, at least for myself.

If I start something I should finish it, this is why. 

I should go to bed now. Good night. 

#75

March 21st 2015 

Hi! Yesterday I came to my friend house to spend the night, I'm here tonight too. So yesterday, the 20th it was our "anniversary", 6 months that we are friends. He is my best friend here and I'm really glad I found him. 

Today we were just talking about it when we went to Starbucks, we were also taking and organizing to go to visit each other in our home country in the next years. 

These two night we did something fun: yesterday we went bowling and tonight we went to a play in Cleveland. Talking about bowling, I'm not really good, I was the second one every game and I was against my best friend and his host brother. And today the play was awesome, I liked everything about it: the scenography, the illuminations, the actors and actress, the story; it seemed real. 

Tomorrow I'll go back home and see all my family there, mom came home  from the hospital with the baby and I can't wait to see them. 

Tonight I was really tired but I wanted to write something. Next week I will probably have more time because of the spring break. Good night. 

#74

March 19th 2015

Good morning, good night and hi! 

Today I miss school and it's been the first time in this year. I didn't miss school because I didn't want to or because I was sick. I miss school but because my mom had the baby last night and we went to the hospital. I was so excited, I'm so excited. I couldn't wait for this moment and Ethan is so adorable. I held him today and looking at him I saw the innocence and the fragile life I was holding in my arms. His face was so peaceful and he was always trying to open his eyes and the sounds...everything was lovely. 

Then I realized that I can enjoy all of this for l less than three months, I only have three months and then it's all done, it's all gone and I'll go back to my old life; but I won't go back without anything. I'm going back with a lot of experiences and I got to know a lot of wonderful people. 

#72-73

March 17th 2015 

Hi! I'm counting the months that I've been here and today it was my seventh. And today was a quite day, almost. This morning I went to "the Cleveland museum of art" in Cleveland with the school. It was fun and I saw piece of art that I didn't see last time when I've been there. Last time I went with my best friend and I loved it. But then I was too tired to practise after school but today it was an easy day and I'm really scared for tomorrow! 

March 18th 2015 

Hi! I'm sitting on the couch waiting for my grandma to come. She's coming here because my mom my mom's water broke. I'm so excited! We were watching a TV show and she said: "my water just broke!". I don't know what to do in this kind of situation. 

Now grandma it's home staying with me and the kids. Mom and dad went to the hospital and I can't wait to go there and see her and the baby. The sex of the baby is a mysterious, I always thought is a boy but I'm not sure; there is a 50% of change to be right. 

After all this I made Skype with a friend and then nothing, I'm here in my room writing on my phone. I'm almost sleeping but there is something it doesn't make me sleep, I don't like it. 

Here we are. Grandma received a phone call from mom, she had the baby 00:09 Thursday 19th 2015 and it's a boy! Another boy! My little sister here wanted a sister, now she will have a lot of work with three brothers.  

She just came to me to told me. This is a big family with 4 kids now and with me 5. Being in a big family is awesome, I'm not talking only about siblings, I'm talking about a big family with uncles, aunt, granparents and they leave close. I never had this kind of family back home because I live with my mom and my sister and they are all my family, but than I have my grandma who is part of my family too. 

OK now it's bed time good night. 

#71

March 16th 2015 

Hi! It's almost midnight and I'm really tired. This morning I didn't even wake up. My mom had to knock at my door to wake me up and tonight she told me why she did it so soon. She thought about dad saying: "Where is marie?" so then she woke up and knocked at my door. At school I was "sleepwalking" and this morning I also forgot my lunch that I pack every night. Then after school I did track. It was really hard today! I was almost dying but for real. I don't even have enough energy, now I should looked up online for serce about nutrition; and being vegeterian doesn't help. 

I don't have any energy to write in this moment so I go to bed and hope to have more time tomorrow and to write more. 

#70

March 15th 2015

Hi! I remember when I stopped to be afraid of the darkness. I wasn't really afraid, I'm always used to sleep with a little light on. That was a problem when, during a sleepover, my friends couldn't sleep with any light; so I slept without lights. But this happened when I slept with friends, and If I was by myself I would sleep with the light on. Then I remember this one night, I was in Paris sleeping with a friend in my dad's house. That night I had a dream, I saw myself when I was around four years old. I don't remember what I was doing as a kid but I think I was crying. I was in the same room with myself. I was just me and me there and nobody else. I came closer to myself younger and I said: "don't worry, I'm here to protect you" and then I left or I woke up. 

I don't know what does this mean, I don't even know if it has to mean something. It was two/ three years ago when I dreamed this and, even if something is not clear, I remember it since then. So after that night I can sleep in the darkness and if I open my eyes in the middle of the night I'm not afraid anymore. 

#68-69

March 13th 2015

Hi! Today I woke up in a good moon. I got ready and I went to school later. I dressed up with a friend and everybody told me that they liked my outfit and that I looked cute. After school then I had track practice. It was fun. When I was about to go back home at 5.30pm I decided to stay at school helping the couch with the kids because of a carnival event I'm my school. I was really exhausted, I ran all day long! Than tonight I went with two friends out. 

March 14th 2015

Hi! I wrote something yesterday but I was so tired that I couldn't finish it and post it. Yesterday I stayed at school until 8:00 pm. I was too tired when I went back home. I stayed at school this late because I did two hours of volonteer helping my couch. I still have two more hours for finish the eight total volonteer hours. 

So about today, I woke up and went to the doctor for my physical for track  season and than I came home and make Skype with some friends and my mom. I was really sad, I miss them so much and staying in another country for a year without see them I think I'm missing too much. They are changing, they are different and I would like to share it with them. 

But I received messages of support that I never thought someone would do it. And I would like to say thank you and send them a big hug. 

Good night :)

#67

March 12th 2015

Hi! At the beginning if this experience as exchange student the coordinator told us that during this year we'll have three different periods. I thing I  already talked about this. I resume it really quick:

-happy periods when it's all existing and everything is new. 

-sad and depressed one when you don't  like where you are and you want to go home.

-when you realize that it's not one better than the other, it just different. 

So I'm here, and what I want to say it's that I'm in the second period. 

I don't know if it's about this or I'm tired of being here. I want to be honest: I'm not happy here. Who is happy here? Nobody. In my school people don't like here too and they ask me why Ohio! I couldn't chose, and I wouldn't do it, to be honest. I'm saying that it's not a place for me, here people are cold and they don't care about others and most important, they don't share physical affection (hug). I'm not like this, I'm the opposite. I thought that this experience it's would be different but, even if I'm trying or I tried to live the rest with all the positive intentions I had left, I can't change people. Today  it was the worst day ever, I cried at school and the best part of the day was track practices which literally killed me. Back home I told my dad all my problems and he knows now  what's going on. 

After the sadness, I start to be crazy. Because I'm tired to be sad, so I do the other thing left, be crazy. 

#66

March 11th 2015

Hi! I'm here, laying on my bad and I still have to put my pants on. I'm listening to music and crying. I started when I was under the shower. I always do my best in everything, I do more that I should and sometimes I think if this is worth for something. I always do what it should be done and I always follow the rules and then I miss all the fun part. 

I never act for instinct, I always have to be prepared and know what I'm going through. I just what to be ready and not have surprises. 

I can't change but I need to. I want to live the life having unaxpectable things and enjoy it. 

Acting like this you already know how I am or what I'm doing of I will do. I'm get bored alone like this. 

But what I wanted to say it's that I don't like when things change because I don't know what to do when it happens. It's something I'm not prepared for. 

I'll change I'm sure.

I know that I'm not the only one being  like this, and if it can help, we can do it!

#65

March 10th 2015 

Hi! Here we are! I just finished to write an essay to practise for tomorrow because I have to take the OGT. 

I already took it but I didn't pass the writing test. I didn't miss a lot of points but I know I always do lot of mistakes, grammatic and spelling mistakes. I don't know if I should be scared or I I should just relax and hoping to be good. I'll be better than 5 months ago for sure. 

Today was my second day of truck, it was exhausting but I'm not sore and I can still walk so I survived. 

Today we ran outside while it was raining so I got all wet, also because I don't have appropriate clothes for that. I should go and buy some. About truck I'm scared. I know that I get anxious easily and a lot more when I don't think to be good enough, but this time I will try my best and see. At lease I will have fun.

I should buy some food snack rich of protein and other substances that can help my diet. I should look in Internet something that I help me to be better, something like what I should eat and what I shouldn't, some good exercise that I can do at home that can help my ability. 

I really want to do my best this time and to be part of something in this experience of exchange program. 

#64

March 9th 2015

Hi! Today was a long day because it was my first day of track! I joined it and I was really scared because I don't think I'm really good at it but I'm here to improve. I can do it! 

So today we had a meeting for the fist hour and then we went outside for running. After that we came back inside for some legs exercise and some abs exercise, and then it was already time to go. I had fun there and I'm really exhausted right now and tomorrow we are meeting again. We are meeting every day, Monday to Thursday, and for around two hours.

This is the exciting thing that happened today so far, but now I'm going to sleep, so there is not much left. For today is all! Good night!

#63

March 8th 2015 

I took a break from writing for few days but I'm back and I have something to say. 

On Saturday, yesterday, I went to my friend house and we went to a musical in his school. It was awesome, it was about "Ghost" the movie. It was so good that people were crying doing the play. I never so the movie but I really want to see it, I always wanted to. 

After the play I went to eat something with my friends and then I stayed the night to my friend house. It was a fun night. 

The next morning, this morning, they came downstairs and woke me up. I was already awake and then I saw that they had a spay in their heads, the one for shave, I don't even know how is colled, and their plan was to put it on my face and make me touch my face. I did it ones to my friend in Italy when we were in vacation with the school, but I used shampoo. 

So, after their plan didn't work, we went upstairs to eat some breakfast: pancakes! 

Then my friend had this amazing idea to go outside in the snow in underwear. I totally refused because I didn't want to die, but then at the end I changed my mind; why not, It could be fun. 

So we got ready, I wore my superman understand and a t-shirt (half t-shirt) and we went out. My feet were hurting so bad but I made it and it was fun, really fun. 

#62

March 4th 2015 

Hi! This morning I didn't wake up. I was too tired that I fall asleep again. My dad woke me up but It was too late to take the bus so I asked him if he could drive me. 

As soon as I went to the bathroom I looked in the mirror and I saw it, my face. I had puffy eyes! 

Every morning after a good cry, from the night before, I have big puffy eyes. 

This morning at school my friends asked me if I was tired or something was wrong and I said that I was just tired. 

Now I don't know that I did at school today...oh I finished a project about cubismo. Then I went to the gym and eat a lot. Today I really eat a lot! But at list I'm burning something. 

I should go to bed now. I don't want to miss the bus again. 

#61

March 3rd 2015 

Hi! After I went off the bus I already knew what I wanted to talk about today. But then I changed idea. 

It's not really the idea that it's changed, it's more because I started to cry when I was doing homework. 

I never cried in front of people here and this time I couldn't control myself. I start to cry because I was thinking. It always start like this. 

I was thinking about something I needed to tell somebody. I don't remember what it was, maybe something stupid or something deep but I needed to talk. 

This is the worst thing I could ever  need and the worst thing I could ever  want. 

You can ask why this is so bad. 

I think this is so bad because I feel like I cannot talk freely with anybody without be careful to use the rights words, I'm not talking only for a language problem, I'm talking about talking with someone without be judge or not taken seriously. 

I miss when I can meet my friend and spend hours talking about our lives, I miss when I need to talk and I could just sit with my mom and talk for hours about everything, I miss when I don't need to talk because they already know, I miss when someone just hug me and the beat of his/her heart calm me don't and I knew he/she  could understand. 

Here is different because with the difference of hours, I can't call people when I need and we can't talk anymore because of this and it's not the same. 

A phone call doesn't change anything, see someone on Skype doesn't bring him/her with me. 

It's getting hard and at the end, even if I see them in Skype, I'm alone in my bedroom the same. 

I remember now, one day at school when I went to the bathroom to check something at the mirror and I saw a girl on the floor, she was sitting with the arms grabbing her legs and her face in the middle of her knees. I checked if she was ok and when I saw that she was crying I took some napkin and I gave it to her and then I sat down and I hug her. She hug me back so I tried to distract her saying some stupid things; she smiled and then she laughed; she wasn't crying anymore and I smiled too. I told her what she has to be strong and that she should let nothing bring her down. 

When the bell rang I had to go to class but before I asked her if it was alright. 

She said thank you and that she was better. 

I didn't ask her why she was crying, because I wasn't curious about it. 

Sometimes we know why but we don't find the words to explain it the same way we feel it, and sometimes thinking about it over and over it doesn't help. 

Talking about it, sometimes It doesn't free you from it. 

She came back again one day saying thank you again and what I really helped her in that moment.

This is something I never told anybody, but I'm using it as an example because with this I want to say that I did what I did because I thought: "I do to others what it can do to help to go through every situation, I do what I would like someone also would do to me in that situation. 

I realize now that this is wrong in some way but it can help others. 

So here, or everywhere, when I don't have anybody I have to find force in myself. 

I have to believe that the strength can help me reach the finish line (happiness) comes from me and nobody else. 

#60

March 2nd 2015

Hi! Today was another Monday and like every Monday I went to school. When I took the OGT, month ago,I didn't pass the writing  test.  I'm not afraid about it because it was only two months that I was here so I think I will pass it this time, so today I went to the English teacher that I had at the begging of the school year and I ask him to help me to prepare for the exam. 

He gave me an essay  to do about the school education. 

I wrote about these three topics:

-the fact that in American High school the only test are multiple choice test, and I said that there are other types of testing. 

-the fact that, for my experience, teachers sometimes give presentation or general homework and they don't care if you did a good job, you just have to do it. This doesn't motivate students to spend time studying. 

-the fact that you learn how to do, for example, a math exercise without explanation why you are doing what you are doing. It's like build a house without start from the bottom. 

Those are the things I thought from the begging about American school, but the good thing I noticed is that here they prepare you for the future and they help you with college and universities. 

#59

March 1st 2015

Hi! Today was a short day because I slept  all day.  

I woke up at 12:30 and I had breakfast,  I was with my pyjamas so  I didn't want to stay downstairs, I went to my room and lay on the my bed and I fell asleep again. Then my dad woke me up it was like 4pm. He asked me if I wanted to go to grampa' but I had to get ready to go to the movie theater. 

I lay in bad for another hour and then start to get me ready. 

My friend came over and we walk to the movie theater and we watched "fifty shades of grey". I liked it but in my opinion the first part of the movie was stupid because I don't think that can happen and if this can possibly happen it'll be called be a stalker. 

I had fun today but tomorrow I have to go to school and the problem it's that I have to wake me up early. 

OK it's time to go to bed now! Good night. 

#58

February 28th 2015

Hi! Today is the last day of the month and tomorrow will be March. 

I still can't believe it. 

The time is going on too fast...

If I look back I don't think I would do things differently but I think that I can have more here. 

I need more time and I only have three months left. 

It's been a good experience, I changed and I think it's good. 

I can't believe that this experience it's almost finished and that I'll be home soon, where everything it's the same. 

Oh I don't want to think about that now, so I'm writing about tonight. 

Tonight I went to the dance with my friend and before be there he was telling me: "we are not going to have fun, I don't know anybody..." but at the end we had fun. 

I define it crazy because everyone was twerking. Girls were twerking on guys like crazy and every time I looked around the guys were dancing with a different girl. It was too much for me to see and to be there in the middle of whatever it was. 

But I was dancing with my friend and I had a lot of fun.