#98

April 23rd 2015 

Hi! Today my mom text me saying:" I can wait to hug you again in 50 days". 

50 days left in the US, then this experience is done, I don't know anymore who I am without this experience. 

In this period I'm always thinking about it, thinking about the day I will be home again. Sometimes I want to go home to see my family, my friends, my place again and to eat my food again...sleeping in my bed again, having my schedule back and walking around...

I have millions of things I want back but then I can't go to school with the yellow bus, have free time, going around the school, using a locker, having different classmates every hour ( so if I don't like someone I don't have to see him/her all day), have sport all week (I'm not so sure that I will miss this)...I will miss my family and my friends here and see every day in the hallway that cute guy I have a crush on, the relationship between students and teachers (I love the Italian way too but sometimes a mix of both it will be perfect). Go to the gym after school every day. 

I hope this summer,when I'll be home, to the gym, lose weight and getting a very muscular body. 

I will miss a lot of here I know. 

I promise I will be back to see more, I would like to go around more, visit different stares...maybe one day I will come by myself and go around every states, this would be awesome. 

#97

April 22nd 2015 

Hi! Here I am once again! As always I'm in bed waiting to fall asleep while I'm writing the post. Today other two girls asked me again how do I feel about coming back home, four people today asked me this question now that I remember. 

I don't know, seriously, I'm so used to live here that thinking about coming back home it scares me. 

I don't remember much about before, If feels like another life, everything seems so far away, like in a dream. 

I seriously don't know how I will react  when I'll get home, I know I will be super happy but they said I will be "depressed" for no reason. Or in my openion I will have fun and be free. 

I'm always looking for freedom, I came here looking for it, this was one of my hundreds of reasons. I discovered that I'm always free, freedom is everywhere, if you have it, it follows you; but if you run looking for it, you will never find it. 

#96

April 21st 2015

Hi! Sunday was my brother 1st month and I gave him a present. Yesterday was Monday and it was another beginning of the week and today, Tuesday, I had a meet for track. I'm want last today and I hope to bit my personal record for the 100m next time, since I have only two meets left. 

When I going to raice, every single time, I'm never ready to run, but when I start I don't think about anything and I try to do my best. And now I'm in my bed trying to stay up because I'm too tired. I seriously need to sleep more because to wake me up in the morning I need a miracle. 

Next week is my birthday and I'm not ready; every day people ask me if I'm ready to go home, and I never know what to say and the fact that my birthday is coming makes me sad-mad too. I don't want to be 18, nothing will change but you are considered an adult so now I can't do what I want, they everybody would say: "you are too old for this". Sad right?!

#95

April 19th 2015 

Hi! Here I am finally in bed. Yesterday I went to my friend house to a sleepover. We were all exchange students and he organized it a long time ago. It was fun: we played games, we are chips and we made pizza, it was so good, and we stayed around the fire. 

We really had a good time together and this is awesome and sad at the same time because we can not do it anymore because we all have less the two months here, and then we will go back to our home country. 

Around the fire, two friends and me, talked about life and believes, America and his history, diversity and identification. We talked about everything and we express our thoughts and we listened to what the others had to say. 

Now I don't remember everything we said but one of the things I remember is: when you describe a friend if he/she is "black" you said it or if he/she is "white" you don't say it in the description. At first I said no, this is not true, but then I realized it because I do it too, or if I don't do it there is always the question: Is he/she "black"or"white"? 

It's ok, I mean, it's justified because of the history behind it. 

Another subject was religion, I'm agnostic or atheist, I still have to figure it out. We talked about the representation of God, like a old white man with a white long bear and white long hair and I said: if you believe that God is an upper power, why do you represent it like an old man? 

Who knows. 

Also about it I said how can you believe in something that has a topic changed in millions of years like, before God was always mad and angry and now is a kind man who loves everyone, or the different things you have to do wrong to go to hell. Everybody would be there now if it didn't change. 

#93-94

April 14th 2015

Hi! Here I am and ready to go to bed. 

8 months ago I was at the airport leaving my family to come here to America, 8 months ago I didn't know how the next 10 months were going to be, 8 months ago I didn't know what I was really going through. Nobody can prepare you for an experience like this, nobody. 

I was was ready to go and live this experience and even if I wasn't i would have come anyway.

And today it's also 3 month of my vegeterian diet and it's going great. 

April 17th 2015 

I feel bad because I didn't post for a while. The 14th was 8 months I left my family and today is 8 months in Ohio. Today I finished my volonteer hours for the program of exchange student that I had to do and it was  fun. I went to the middle school across my school and they had the dance so I helped in the "cookies section " with a friend. Our job want to check and make sure that everything was alright.

This week was a really existing week, gym every day, more homework and then after that I worked out with my dad at home and I started to see Kevin Hart's show and I can't stop. He's so funny, I never laughed that hard and I was crying while I was watching. 

And now that I'm thinking about it I'm about to see another show and then go to bed. 

Tomorrow morning  I'm going to see Home, the Movie,with my family and then I have a "party" in my friend's house and I'm sleeping over there.

Good night!

#92

April 13th 2015

Hi! Here I am once again!

I'm so sore today! I was working out with dad in the garage this evening and we did some workout in TV. 

Tomorrow I will have a track meet and I'm going to do the open 100m and the 4x200m. I hope we will have fun!

I was just thinking how much I changed in this 8 months, I'm not the same person I was when I left Italy. In 8 months you create a new life with new friends, family, routine, house, food, rules...new everything; and after 8 months you start to get used to it and I think it will be hard to give up everything again. More things and people to love which and who you have to say goodbye once again. 

But, on the other hand, I will be back to what I used to have, see again people that I love and go back to my old life...but it will not be the same. 

As I said before, I changed, everything about me changed. I hope I changed in better. 

Everything we have is there to make us a better person. 

Yes I like this, It makes you keep going even when you are about to give up. 

But if you think about it, it could be a random power governing the world and the universe, who knows. 

We can believe in fate of random order, but the only certain thing is that we are alive and that anyway we have the power to change the world. 

#90-91

April 10th 2015 

Hi! Here I am again. I'm so tired tonight that I can't even move from the couch to go to bed. 

Today was a good/bad day, and at the end I was sad.

I hope it's just a moment and that tomorrow it will be gone. 

I went to the Musical in my school tonight with some girlfriends but another friend was supposed to come too, I get so mad so mad when people don't know how to make plans (I'm talking in general), he told me that he wasn't coming 10 minutes before the play started that what drive me crazy. I'm not talking in particular about this friend. 

April 12th 2015 

Hi! The musical was good and my "crush" was there. 

That day I was sad because I realized that I will be by myself for the rest of my life; this is what I thought. 

That was just a moment. I like this, to be single and to be independent, I love it, but sometimes would like more, a different kind of company. 

I have my best friend here and without him I don't know where I'd be now but, even if in rare moments, I would like to like someone and this person to like me back. 

Maybe not now, maybe in 2 years, who knows. 

I'm going  to be 18 soon and this is for me really stressful, It makes me over thinking, it makes me feel like the time is going really fast and I don't know what to do with my future. 

Yes, that's right! At this age I have infinite possibility to make my future as I like, I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want. 

There are too many possibilities that I don't know what to do, I still have one year to think about it and concentrate on something I like and make it my job. 

#89

April 9th 2015

I didn't finish yesterday so I decided to finish it today. I had more in mind to share about freedom and diversity. 

Today I school I went to track practice and after that we went to the weight room to finish our work out routine, almost anybody was there and I changed before because my  t-shirt was dirty so I had to change it, the problem was that the only other t-shirt I had was one really shirt, something like a top and my belly was out. I saw that someone was looking  at me like it was something wrong with it. I understand why, but I don't understand why guys can stay without t-shirt during practices but a girl can't. 

This is not right, during gym class, guys are always playing with the t-shirt off and when a girl was pulled her t-shirt up for few minutes a teacher told her to put it down. 

People are hypocrite. 

#87

April 8th 2015

Hi! Today at school my friends and me were talking about my crush, (I don't really like someone but I continue to stare him at school, OK yes I have a crush on someone), and my friend said that she learned sexuality like this: she took a piece of paper and wrote on it. 

5. Homosexual

4.

3. Bi

2.

1. Hetero 

0. Assexual 

She put herself in 4,3. I put myself in 0,5 at the moment, this means that I'm hetero but at the moment I'm not looking for a "boyfriend", this is how I see it. 

I've been thinking about it all day. 

I know I'm hetero or straight, you can decide, and I don't think is normal or weird because is just the way I am and I can't decide what to be and the fact that I like boys it doesn't define me. This is the same thing with homosexual people, they are not different than others just because they like different things then others, it's all about perspective. 

The world is beautiful because is different, it's all based on opposite ans on mix of both. 

One day a friend came to me and she said that she's bisexual, I wasn't surprise because it doesn't change anything to me, but she was surprise that I didn't react like other friends did. I don't remember now what I said but why someone should be "obligate" to be a couple with someone of the opposite sex?

Everybody has a goal, right? Everybody wants to be happy and to be free, people die every day for this reasons, and when it comes to freedom and happiness of others because for different reasons I don't understand why they can't have it. 

One day during my high school years in Italy a teacher, I believe it was my literature teacher, told us a quote from Voltaire which said: “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it” . 

 it made me think and I will never forget it. 

#86

7th April 2015

Hi! Tonight I didn't want to go to sleep and I've been thinking all day. 

This morning in English class we had an assignment that I'm not explaining because it would be too long, and when I was writing it I thought to understand why people are religious, some people. I think, mine it's only an opinoin, people hope that after death there is another infinitive live, that our body will die and our souls will live after us forever in a beautiful world surrounded by love and light, if you behaved positively during your life on the earth or in a dark underground world governed by pain. 

Nobody has evidence about this and with all different religions around the world, it's difficult that everyone is true and we can not say that one religion is superior than the other. 

Like I said I probably know why people believe in a religion, or more who knows, it's because it would be so scary thinking that after this life, where you met people, loved, had fun, lived experiences...everything is gone forever. 

I think life would be better understanding death. I suggest to see a video about it that shows what I think about it and I always said to everyone I talked to about it, it's called "what should we think about death".

Death is not the end of the world, you are not gone ones you died, you are still alive for the people who were part of your life. Death is a natural process of nature, necessarily to bring life again. Not considering another life after this were we are judged on this life on the earth doesn't limit your decisions, instead let you choose good against bad because you decide is the right thing to do. 

And limiting consequences, let the life be more light so you can be free to try know thing and to enjoy better your life because you think there is only one chance and you don't want to lose it. 

It's like if you know you have to die tomorrow, how are you spending the last day of your life? This is how we should live every day, every day as it would be the last one, catching opportunity and do the best every time. And learn how you can live forever. This is what my mom used to tell me. 

I don't want to go further on this topic, also because it's pretty late. 

Good night 

#85

April 5th 2015

Hi! I don't know what's going on but when I'm in bed writing this blog I fall asleep, every single time. 

(then I fell asleep again)

April 6th 2015

I can believe it! It happened again, and this is why don't post something every day. I should find a way to do it. 

OK let's talk about my weekend. 

Saturday I had my first track meet, I was really scared before running but then I calmed down after my "performance". I had to run the 100m and I was the last one, I wasn't ready for that and I was too tense; and the fact that other 7 people were running with me made me more nervous. But after that I felt better; it depends on what way you see it. The meet was all day long and it was really cold so I stayed all Saturday sitting everywhere trying shaking myself because of the cold and then I ran for 15 seconds. After that it was 5:00pm and the day was almost over, remember that u wake up at 6:00am and I was at school at 7:00am. So when I came back to school my mom picked me up and she drop me of to the mall where I met two friends. I went shopping to the mall and I was exhausted and during the day I didn't eat anything so I was also starving. When I'm in this condition I can react in two ways: 

- I'm barely alive: really tired without energy and I sleep everywhere.

- crazy: it seems like I just drank a coffee and I over react doing things that I usually try not to do, like dancing in the middle of a store. (no, it's not true that I like this sometimes, I'm like this every time). 

And on Saturday afternoon/evening I was like this, crazy. 

At the mall I didn't want to buy anything because I had to buy the prom dress the next day so I don't want to spend money where I didn't need to, but I know how I am so I bought a pair of black shorts and a sefie stick (I don't want to talk more about this, I'm ridiculous). And obviously some food, some Asian food. 

Saturday I hoped to sleep because I was exhausted, but my sister came into my room and wake me up saying: "it's easter, wake up! You have to find your water basket!" 

It was to easy I think it was 7:40 am, and I went downstairs with the most ugly face I could have and I looked for my basket. It was on the washing machine. I didn't know that easter here it's like Christmas, almost, and that they do receive presets.

My easter is usually sleeping all day. I really sleep all day every day I have the possibility to and we don't have presents like here, we usually buy a chocolate big egg with always a terrible surprise in it. 

Sunday I really had a lot of fun! It was an awesome day and we spent it with family. We went to my mom's family for brunch and then to my grandma and she gave us awesome baskets with awesome presents. 

When we got home, I put my pyjamas on and I was watching TV with my parents when I best friend called me saying that he was coming to pick me up in 30 minutes so we could go to watch a movie in the theater close to my house. It was 10:30 pm when we got inside the movie theater and we saw the movie "get hard". 

It was hilarious! I loved it. 

It was a little but racist but a good type of racist comedy, it wasn't really offensive. I was laughing really hard that my friends told me. 

This morning, Monday morning, I slept until 12:00 and then I planned with a friend to go to the mall (again) but this time to look for the prom dress,which I found. 

We went there and all day we tried dresses. We went to three different stores before I found my dress.

The first three stores were almost the same: really expensive dresses that I would never wear because too exaggerated, with too many beads and the dresses where decided in sizes so was all confusing. 

The fourth store was the last one in the mall we wanted to see and the dresses weren't really expensive, and the dress I found was the most expensive, and it was the one I would never thought to buy: a pink dress. 

I don't like pink it's not my Color.

I thought to buy a red or blue dress, bur never a pink one.

And here I am, laying on my bed fighting between going to sleep or finish to write here. 

My eyes are keep closing and my brain resting. 

I really have to go now. Good night. 

#84

April 3rd 2015 

Hi! I didn't finish to write my post of the 1st and I couldn't write one yesterday night because I fell asleep on my bed and I didn't put my pyjamas on, I still had my gym clothes on! I was too tired. Today is Friday and I didn't have school but I went to practice this morning because tomorrow I have my first track meet. I'm so scared for tomorrow and I have to wake me up at 6:00am. I don't know what to expect tomorrow and this scares me. 

After practice, today, I was supposed to go to the mall with some friends but we didn't have a good organization so they couldn't come. After a long time I finally had a plan so I went out with my best friend and his brother. We didn't know what to do so we drove everywhere, we went to Starbucks, to the mall, then to eat something and then back home, but between the stops we drove without knowing where to go. 

#84

April 3rd 2015 

Hi! I didn't finish to write my post of the 1st and I couldn't write one yesterday night because I fell asleep on my bed and I didn't put my pyjamas on, I still had my gym clothes on! I was too tired. Today is Friday and I didn't have school but I went to practice this morning because tomorrow I have my first track meet. I'm so scared for tomorrow and I have to wake me up at 6:00am. I don't know what to expect tomorrow and this scares me. 

After practice, today, I was supposed to go to the mall with some friends but we didn't have a good organization so they couldn't come. After a long time I finally had a plan so I went out with my best friend and his brother. We didn't know what to do so we drove everywhere, we went to Starbucks, to the mall, then to eat something and then back home, but between the stops we drove without knowing where to go. 

#83

April 1st 2015

Hi! Today is the big April fools ad I made some jokes today to some friends. Nothing special but I didn't really have a plan because I didn't known what to do. The first joke was to a friend in my school, I tolk her that I would cut my hair really short. I make this joke to another friend in Italy and to  my mom too. My mom was saying how slow my hair grows and that I shouldn't cut them... My mom was really mad.  I told my classmates in Italy that I went to a party and because of that they are sending me home probably next week, but they didn't believe me. 

I remember now another joke I make today: I was in class and I was thinking about some jokes to make to this friend, she saw me like that and  when she asked me what was the problem and I realized that I should anwered that I'm changing school. I made it credible so she believed me. 

I wanted to do more jokes today but I don't have lots of chances like call... I'm not saying because I can use this joke next time but it's a classic one. 

Today I didn't go to track practices because I was sick, I didn't feel good so I spent all day in bed and I took a medicine too and then I felt better. 

When my sister came home she came in my room and she said that when she doesn't fell good she does something, and she told me that she would show me, so then she came back with a doll from her room. She told me to hug her like she does and I would feel better. It was so sweet of her.