#112

June 5th 2015

Hi! Today it's been a fun and sad day, both at the same time because today I had my goodbye party and probably I saw some of my friends for the last time and I met some new. 

We had fun, I guess, but I'll miss them and I don't know if I'll see them another day since I'm leaving next Friday, one week from now! 

I don't want to think about it now. 

And I'll miss my family a lot! The kids and my parents! 

I know I'll cry on the plain when I'll go back home and I know I'll do it before too, maybe right now. 

It's been a good experience and the fact that it's going to end soon makes this last days even more special, considering that from this moment everything is the last time. Tomorrow it's my last Saturday in the US (for now), and every day of this next week it'll be my last; but I can also say that next Saturday I'll be back home with my mom and my sister, I'll see my friends again, hug them and feel their love where I'm present. I'll touch them all the time because they won't seem real for me, I'll feel like in a dream. I'll be happy for that moment, but I'll turn sad and depressed when I'll remember my life here and know that I can't have it again. 

Today, when after the party I went home, I was cleaning the dishes while I was listening to music on my phone and the song that was playing said: "I don't know why I love you so much" and then I was thinking, maybe for the first time, what is love and how can you love someone and then you can't imagine a life without that person. 

OK, yes I know the feeling because I love my mom and my sister but I'm taking about love in a relationship. 

I don't know how can you love someone of the same sex or opposite sex who doesn't have any relation with you and you can't live without his person. It's like if I meet a guy tomorrow and I we "fall in love" with each other and we can live without each other. It's not logic (love is not logic or rational I know! That's why I can't understand it), you lived your whole life without this person and now what you met this person your life can't go on without him/her...How?

I don't understand how you have to ask permission to this person for everything or making plans considering what's the other person plans are; or getting mad because this person it's not replaying to your messages the way you want or is not replaying at all...(OK no in this last case I get mad). The craziest thing about relationships is when you say that your partner is yours!!! You don't own a person! 

But after all, I'm not a cold person...

#111

June 3rd 2k15 

Hi! Few days left here and I'm not ready to leave. 

Today I was in my friend house and we were talking about our friendship, how we became friends and the fact that we won't have this again. 

This guy is my best friend and I love him so much (as a friend). 

We were asking each other and try to figure out how we became so close friends; but we didn't find an answer. 

The first day we met each other was September 20th 2014, more then a month after I was in the US, we were in our coordinator house with other two exchange students and we never really talked to each other. Then I remember that we organized to go together in a church group that was close to his house so I went there; since then we never stopped talking and go out together. 

He is my best friend here and I don't really know how my life would be without him, I mean it. 

I think sometimes about  how my like here would have  been without him and I wouldn't be that good and we support each other when we needed it. I think we are this close because we had the same king of situation and talking about it brought us closer. 

He is the only person who can understand me and I'm the only person who can understand him, probably. 

I loved this experience but I had my good and bed moments and I'm glad that I had the possibility to do it. This experience changed me and made me the person I am today. 

#110

May 30th 2015

Hi! I have twelve days left in the US and it's not a long time...

The time is really flying and I didn't  even notice it. I'll be home soon and I don't know what to do, what to expect. I'll see my family again, my friends, I'll eat the food I used to eat and go to placed I used to go, I'll speak the same language I used to speak and I'll sleep in the same bed I used to sleep. I'll have my life back in a few days and then what will  happen with the life I have here..? What about my family here, my friends, the food, my bed, places, language... When will I have this again? 

This is my problem now, and I don't think it's only mine; when I left home I was exhausted because I was going to live a new life and a new experience and I knew what I would be back home after 10 months so I was like "see you later"; but what about now? I hope to be back one day, but when? I'm not sure, I don't know, when I will see everybody again. I know that some of my friends I'll never see them again. What I should say to them? "Addio"?! 

This is an Italian way to say: "I'm says goodbye but forever"; I don't know if in English there is a word to say it. 

My biggest fear when I first came here was that people wouldn't remember me, my fear was to be forgotten, like if I never expected. What if people will forget about me one day? Or maybe if listening my name or about the Italian exchange student senior in 2015 they will be like: who?! 

I believe that after you are "gone", you are still there when people remember about you; you'll always be there for people that love you. 

And if nobody remembers you, nobody cared about you. 

Fortunately I found people that love me and maybe a chance (let's just leave this word without explanations). 

Who know what's next! 

#109

May 27th 2015 

Hi! Tonight  I wanted to go running for a few minutes and when I was going outside it started raining, it's still raining like crazy out there and it's May! 

But I worked out anyways. It's really fun and thinking about jobs I can consider to work in fitness or something like this. I would like to do medicine or criminology; these are my principle ideas. 

People asked me before if there is the possibility to go to college here, in America, and at the beginning I said no, but then I thought about it and I said: "if I'll graduate here I can consider it". 

Today I called my school, I finished my online class yesterday and the dead line was today, I asked if I was going to graduate and they said that I'm good to go and that they will meet me there, at graduation! I'm so excited about it, I actually made it! So about the college here I'll still thinking about it...

I have another year of high school in Italy and then I'm out...then University. 

I'm really, really scared to jump from being a child to an adult. I'm not ready for it. I feel responsible but I don't know if I'm ready for start an independent life: living by myself, doing everything by myself, and growing up so fast that I won't feel the time passing until I'll look at the mirror and see myself changed. 

Study, job, family, friends...everything will change but I'll be the same person but older. 

Nobody gives you indications telling you what to do with your life, you have to try, fall down and then start over again until you know what your mistake was; but then it will be too late. And you can try to teach somebody the lesson you learned but everybody is different, everybody has their story to live, and everybody has their own way. 

I'm just waiting to know mine. 

#108

May 26th 2015 

Hi! Today it's Tuesday and I didn't even know it because I'm in vacation! 

I'm done with school and today I can finally say It because today I finished my online class, finally! So I'm sure that I can graduate in the US. 

Before I didn't even know if I was or not but now it's pretty sure! 

So, yes I made it but I can't say it until I'm there. 

Let's talk now about prom! I went to prom last Friday with my best friend to his school and it was so much fun! The music was perfect and we were dancing together all night. In the after prom we played a lot of games and it was so much fun and I already miss that night. 

I have 16 days left in the US and that's a so short amount of time that I don't know if I have enough time to do all I want to do or to spend enough time with people I love, family and friends. 

I came in the US by myself and I didn't know what it was going to be this hard but I made it, we all made it. 

I would like to say to all the exchange students that we are brave, and whoever out there told us that we couldn't do it, look where we are now; we made it until the end and we are stronger than before because we had went through the biggest experience and biggest fear of life. We can consider ourselves capable of everything because of this and we know more about the world that we could know before; we heard different opinions and point of view that made us a better person. 

Thank you for make this possible because it's being a life change experience and I'm glad I had the opportunity to do it. 

#107

May 20th 2k15 

Hi! Today I started the day with tears in my eyes. I was sad because I'm realizing that I'll leave soon but I still don't realize that is happening, I was sad today because I won't see a lot of friends with who I have a really good connection and a really good relationship and I don't know when I'll see them again. 

I went to the dentist later this morning because I'm having a problem with my teeth, I checked and my teeth are just growing, nothing to worry about.

Then I called my mom and my dad, I talked with them and then I started to study, finishing at late evening and then start to watch some videos in YouTube while my dad was watching the game on TV.

I can literally spend hours watching  those videos. One of the last videos was about couple dating and I realized that I would like to be in that situation but I can't...I'm not able to date because when someone is interest on me I start to run away, and now I understand why I'm starting to "flirt" with guys just now, it's because I'm leaving soon so there is not chance for a relationship because there is not enouth time. It's not that I'm scared of guys because my best friends are guys and they see me like their buddy and I see them in the same way but I don't know how to change that; what I mean is that when I start to know a guy I put him in the friend-zone immediately and they start to see me as a friend and no more or if they see me more then a friend I don't know how to react. 

I'm not just complaining about it trying to change it, I'm not changing it or trying to. It happened to me here: a guy in my school told me that I was one of the most beautiful girls he knows and that he would date me (he's words, but he should change glasses), at the begging of the year a guy wanted to hang out with me but one of the reason I didn't it's because he had a girlfriend and he told me that he liked me (I felt bad about that because I felt like it was my fault even I didn't do anything), I stated to go out with a guy here, we went out a couple of times but I didn't like him and then he told me that he liked me and I honestly said that I didn't see him in that way...and that time when I went to the grocery store few weeks ago and the shop assistance who was a friend of my friend,who was with me, asked her who I was because he thought I was cute; the problem is that I'm leaving!!!! (he's cute too by the way) 

OK there is a problem with me or, without accusing me, with communication:

1- if you are nice with someone they start to think that you like them. 

2- if you are friendly with someone and they ask you to go out and you start thinking: "and what if he likes me and he asked me to go out because he would like to date me one day but I don't like him so what I should say of should do now" this bring to a other point when..."but if he doesn't like him and he just want to be friend with me that's fine but why just me and him, that's weird, so he's just trying to be nice with me ok I will go out". 

3- (I guess this is just me) I also think:" and what about if he doesn't really like me and he's just interested in other factors that once he got it he will not be interest anymore (I don't know if it's clear). So in this case he's only using me and I deserve more. " 

This thoughts block me for having a relationship I think for ever...and I'm scared of the "forever" 

No boyfriend, no problems! 

#106

May 19th 2015 

Hi! I'm always studying on my iPad to be able to graduate and this is making me really tired and I'm having terrible headaches. I'm a little bit worried because tomorrow I'm going to the dentist and it's  a really long time that I don't go...a really long time. I'm scared of the dentist, I used to be, because when I went there they pull me two teeth out and it was terrible, then I passed out and I though up on my mom new jacket, no before I trough out and then I passed out. 

And tomorrow in going! The problem is that my wisdom teeth are growing, three of them and they hurt so bad, sometimes I can't eat because it hurts a lot. 

I'm leaving earlier from school tomorrow and then I only gave two days left of school, then I'm done! No completely because I have to finish an online class, pretty long; but then I'm out of school. 

#105

May 18th 2015 

Hi! Today is been an awesome day at school because I discovered that I don't have to take the final exams, so this week is my last week of school; I passed the OGT, so this means that If I'll finish my online class on time I can graduate in the US and I'm working hard on this online class so I will graduate! 

If I'll take the high school diploma here I can take in consideration the possibility of studying in an University in the US, but I don't know jet. 

Living in the US or in a different country, different then your home country, you start to understand that you can have that life, I don't know if this makes sense, it's like having two lives and try to choose which one you want to have...everything is possible. 

OK changing subject, today I add the number of the guy who I'm talking to  in school, maybe flirting...my friends said we flirt but I don't know. 

The problem is that I'm a little bit too late... I only have 24 days left in the US. 

I don't really know how I feel about going back home, I was just talking today with my dad here about it...the time is gone so fast!! 

Yesterday, the 17th, it was 9 mouths in the US and less then a month to go. 

I don't know what to expect once I'll be back to my old life, I wouldn't realize at first but the fact that I'm going back during the summer maybe can help, but when it's time to go back to school I will be do done that I will miss the school here. 

OK once again it's time to go to bed. 

Good night. 

#104

May 13th 2015 

Hi! Today I'm going to bed earlier then usual, and it's been a weird day for me because I didn't stay for workout at school and instead I ate all afternoon (chips, gelato, banana, beagle, chocolate cake, popcorn and something also for sure, cookies....), I kept eating I kept feeling hungry; that's probably because I'm on my period, but still it's not an excuse. 

Then after I finish eating I spent 3.30 hours studying my apax, the online class I need to finish to be able to graduate this year; and I still don't know if I'll graduate. 

After these I went downstairs to  watch TV with my parents, and  now I'm in bed. I already know what to do later...watch videos on YouTube (my obsession lately). 

But before I want to express my today crazy thoughts: after I studied like crazy without a break for 3.30 hours  (without considering school), I watch a video of a baby laughing because her mom was doing weird sounds with the mouth and then I asked myself What does a baby laugh for? What effects emotions of a baby? What scares a baby?... 

If you are not conscious of life how can you relate things? 

I just asked myself about it and I didn't look for an answer but I will, no just about babies themselves but more in general. 

It's time; Goodnight or Buona Notte. 

#103

May 11th 2015

Hi! It's pretty late and I should go to bed because I already dont know  how I will feel tomorrow morning ...terrible!

Today was a pretty busy day because I had my last meet and I beet my own high score but in the middle of the meet when weather started getting  pretty bed and a tornado was supposed to hit, they cancelled the meet. The problem was that there were 16-17 school so the meet was really long. 

May 12th 2015.

Yesterday I fell asleep, I was really tired and today too. 

This morning didn't wake up at all so I missed the all first period. 

And since yesterday was my last track meet I don't have anymore practices, and I'm in part sad and in part happy, I'm happy for this experience, I stayed anyways to workout with a friend. 

I was so exited! Then we went to the movie theater too see the Avengers! I loved it. 

Tonight is very confused, I can't think about anything, I'm so tired that i can't do anything and the only thing I can think of is that after today I have 30 days left in the US! 

One month left to enjoy this experience and go back home! It's crazy how you can be happy and sad at he same time and for the same thing. But days go on quickly and every day I have one less. 

Good night! 

#102

May 10th 2015 

Hi! Here I am once again! 

Today is mother's day! So ...Happy mother's day to every mother out there; I hope you all had a good day and you felt special but remember that you are special every single day for someone: your kids. 

I don't know how being a mother is but I know how being a daughter is, so I know that I don't thank my mom enough because being a mother it's the hardest job. 

Thank you for always be there for me, thank you for loving me and supporting me, thank you for taking care of me and worrying about me, thank you mom for carrying me in your bally for 9 mouths, thank you for be so strong even when you felt sad or sick, for educating me and teaching me right from wrong, thank you for never giving up on me when everybody did it, thank you for raising me by yourself and for being the best mom you could be for your family... 

And I'm sorry mom, sorry if I didn't thank you enough, sorry if I didn't say "I love you" every time you needed to ear it, sorry if I was too hard with you sometimes and if I told you that I didn't love you but I do, I love you mom, sorry if I didn't listen to your suggestions because I wanted to do it my way, I know you were trying to help, sorry mom, I'm extremely sorry If I wasn't there for you when you needed me, I didn't mean to it.

You're a wonderful person and a wonderful soul. 

Happy mother's day ❤

Love you mom

#101

May 3rd 2k15 

Hi! I just finished my homework for tomorrow and it's pretty late! This weekend I didn't have time to do anything! Friday I didn't go to school so I slept and during the afternoon I went to a store to buy the tuxedo with my date for prom, a friend came with us too so then we went to the mall together. My friend found the dress for the prom on Friday and the prom was yesterday night, do Saturday! She was that late because her dress ripped so she had to buy another one. 

After the mall we went to target and we shopped there too. 

I spent the night in her house that night and she started to do my hair for prom before we went to bed. 

Saturday during lunch time we went to my house and we finished to get ready for the big night: shower, hair, makeup, nails, put the dress on, put shoes on, take hundreds of pictures, and then finally we were ready! 

Other friends came over to get ready and then, when it was time, my grandma pick us up to go to take some pictures and then go to prom! 

PROM!!!! It was so fun! I had a lot of fun and my friends too! 

We danced all night (evening). 

I wore a pick princess dress and silver shoes and I had my hair up and straight; I was a completely different person! 

Going to prom made me think that I have few days left in the US and that I have to make a very day a special one because nobody can give me these days back! 

You know when people say: live every day like if it was the last one... This now is my case and I understand  what doest it mean. 

#100

May 1st 2015

Hi! Here I am once again! It's a long time that I don't write something here and I feel really bad for this, every night I try but I'm really tired and I fall asleep. Tonight I'm sleeping in a friend house, we started to get ready for the prom that is going to be tomorrow afternoon. 

I want to talk about something in particular tonight, something that it's been stuck in my head since my birthday. The day of my birthday, less then a week ago, we had an assembly at school about abuse in relationships. It was shocking because I never knew how many things are considered abuse. 

There was a lot of statistics about abuse and the two I remember the most are: 

-One on three hight school's students have been abuse 

-93% of the victims see his abuser usually during his everyday life, this means that his part of the family or a friend, someone you trust. 

After that assembly I changed mood and I start to think a lot about it. 

I like the fact that in the USA people have to go to schools and talk about this,  for information. 

Where I'm from nobody told me this and now I understand a lot more. 

I would like, probably next year, to do the same in some schools in Italy, because I believe that students should know more about this subject, it really made me understand the definition of private space and what it means to love youself and be  confident of yourself. The guys who was telling us about abuse said:" if you are not confident of youself you're more likely to be controlled from someone else". 

I will never let someone be owner of something that doesn't belong to them, that's a promess I do to myself because I think I'm enough and I'm brave enough to let you go away even if this means to be alone if you don't respect me. This is what I learned and what I wanted to understand. 

#99

April 27th 2015 

Hi! Today is my birthday and I had a really good time. 

Yesterday I had a party in my house with some friends. it wasn't only my birthday party, I had the party with a friend from school because she has the birthday two days after mine. 

It was fun, I believe, we danced, we played some games, we ate a lot of food and we played in the trampoline. 

The party was good but I was really tired because my friend and I spent  the weekend going grocery shopping and cooking for the party. We start cooking at 7 on Saturday morning and during the evening I had a meet with the exchange program. I stayed over there so I didn't get any sleep, also because the next morning I had to start cooking early and then get ready. If I don't sleep during the weekend I'm tired all the following week so I can't do anything, like homework, think and write in this blog. It's really hard don't be able to think and find something to write in a blog at the same time. 

#98

April 23rd 2015 

Hi! Today my mom text me saying:" I can wait to hug you again in 50 days". 

50 days left in the US, then this experience is done, I don't know anymore who I am without this experience. 

In this period I'm always thinking about it, thinking about the day I will be home again. Sometimes I want to go home to see my family, my friends, my place again and to eat my food again...sleeping in my bed again, having my schedule back and walking around...

I have millions of things I want back but then I can't go to school with the yellow bus, have free time, going around the school, using a locker, having different classmates every hour ( so if I don't like someone I don't have to see him/her all day), have sport all week (I'm not so sure that I will miss this)...I will miss my family and my friends here and see every day in the hallway that cute guy I have a crush on, the relationship between students and teachers (I love the Italian way too but sometimes a mix of both it will be perfect). Go to the gym after school every day. 

I hope this summer,when I'll be home, to the gym, lose weight and getting a very muscular body. 

I will miss a lot of here I know. 

I promise I will be back to see more, I would like to go around more, visit different stares...maybe one day I will come by myself and go around every states, this would be awesome. 

#97

April 22nd 2015 

Hi! Here I am once again! As always I'm in bed waiting to fall asleep while I'm writing the post. Today other two girls asked me again how do I feel about coming back home, four people today asked me this question now that I remember. 

I don't know, seriously, I'm so used to live here that thinking about coming back home it scares me. 

I don't remember much about before, If feels like another life, everything seems so far away, like in a dream. 

I seriously don't know how I will react  when I'll get home, I know I will be super happy but they said I will be "depressed" for no reason. Or in my openion I will have fun and be free. 

I'm always looking for freedom, I came here looking for it, this was one of my hundreds of reasons. I discovered that I'm always free, freedom is everywhere, if you have it, it follows you; but if you run looking for it, you will never find it. 

#96

April 21st 2015

Hi! Sunday was my brother 1st month and I gave him a present. Yesterday was Monday and it was another beginning of the week and today, Tuesday, I had a meet for track. I'm want last today and I hope to bit my personal record for the 100m next time, since I have only two meets left. 

When I going to raice, every single time, I'm never ready to run, but when I start I don't think about anything and I try to do my best. And now I'm in my bed trying to stay up because I'm too tired. I seriously need to sleep more because to wake me up in the morning I need a miracle. 

Next week is my birthday and I'm not ready; every day people ask me if I'm ready to go home, and I never know what to say and the fact that my birthday is coming makes me sad-mad too. I don't want to be 18, nothing will change but you are considered an adult so now I can't do what I want, they everybody would say: "you are too old for this". Sad right?!

#95

April 19th 2015 

Hi! Here I am finally in bed. Yesterday I went to my friend house to a sleepover. We were all exchange students and he organized it a long time ago. It was fun: we played games, we are chips and we made pizza, it was so good, and we stayed around the fire. 

We really had a good time together and this is awesome and sad at the same time because we can not do it anymore because we all have less the two months here, and then we will go back to our home country. 

Around the fire, two friends and me, talked about life and believes, America and his history, diversity and identification. We talked about everything and we express our thoughts and we listened to what the others had to say. 

Now I don't remember everything we said but one of the things I remember is: when you describe a friend if he/she is "black" you said it or if he/she is "white" you don't say it in the description. At first I said no, this is not true, but then I realized it because I do it too, or if I don't do it there is always the question: Is he/she "black"or"white"? 

It's ok, I mean, it's justified because of the history behind it. 

Another subject was religion, I'm agnostic or atheist, I still have to figure it out. We talked about the representation of God, like a old white man with a white long bear and white long hair and I said: if you believe that God is an upper power, why do you represent it like an old man? 

Who knows. 

Also about it I said how can you believe in something that has a topic changed in millions of years like, before God was always mad and angry and now is a kind man who loves everyone, or the different things you have to do wrong to go to hell. Everybody would be there now if it didn't change. 

#93-94

April 14th 2015

Hi! Here I am and ready to go to bed. 

8 months ago I was at the airport leaving my family to come here to America, 8 months ago I didn't know how the next 10 months were going to be, 8 months ago I didn't know what I was really going through. Nobody can prepare you for an experience like this, nobody. 

I was was ready to go and live this experience and even if I wasn't i would have come anyway.

And today it's also 3 month of my vegeterian diet and it's going great. 

April 17th 2015 

I feel bad because I didn't post for a while. The 14th was 8 months I left my family and today is 8 months in Ohio. Today I finished my volonteer hours for the program of exchange student that I had to do and it was  fun. I went to the middle school across my school and they had the dance so I helped in the "cookies section " with a friend. Our job want to check and make sure that everything was alright.

This week was a really existing week, gym every day, more homework and then after that I worked out with my dad at home and I started to see Kevin Hart's show and I can't stop. He's so funny, I never laughed that hard and I was crying while I was watching. 

And now that I'm thinking about it I'm about to see another show and then go to bed. 

Tomorrow morning  I'm going to see Home, the Movie,with my family and then I have a "party" in my friend's house and I'm sleeping over there.

Good night!

#92

April 13th 2015

Hi! Here I am once again!

I'm so sore today! I was working out with dad in the garage this evening and we did some workout in TV. 

Tomorrow I will have a track meet and I'm going to do the open 100m and the 4x200m. I hope we will have fun!

I was just thinking how much I changed in this 8 months, I'm not the same person I was when I left Italy. In 8 months you create a new life with new friends, family, routine, house, food, rules...new everything; and after 8 months you start to get used to it and I think it will be hard to give up everything again. More things and people to love which and who you have to say goodbye once again. 

But, on the other hand, I will be back to what I used to have, see again people that I love and go back to my old life...but it will not be the same. 

As I said before, I changed, everything about me changed. I hope I changed in better. 

Everything we have is there to make us a better person. 

Yes I like this, It makes you keep going even when you are about to give up. 

But if you think about it, it could be a random power governing the world and the universe, who knows. 

We can believe in fate of random order, but the only certain thing is that we are alive and that anyway we have the power to change the world. 

#90-91

April 10th 2015 

Hi! Here I am again. I'm so tired tonight that I can't even move from the couch to go to bed. 

Today was a good/bad day, and at the end I was sad.

I hope it's just a moment and that tomorrow it will be gone. 

I went to the Musical in my school tonight with some girlfriends but another friend was supposed to come too, I get so mad so mad when people don't know how to make plans (I'm talking in general), he told me that he wasn't coming 10 minutes before the play started that what drive me crazy. I'm not talking in particular about this friend. 

April 12th 2015 

Hi! The musical was good and my "crush" was there. 

That day I was sad because I realized that I will be by myself for the rest of my life; this is what I thought. 

That was just a moment. I like this, to be single and to be independent, I love it, but sometimes would like more, a different kind of company. 

I have my best friend here and without him I don't know where I'd be now but, even if in rare moments, I would like to like someone and this person to like me back. 

Maybe not now, maybe in 2 years, who knows. 

I'm going  to be 18 soon and this is for me really stressful, It makes me over thinking, it makes me feel like the time is going really fast and I don't know what to do with my future. 

Yes, that's right! At this age I have infinite possibility to make my future as I like, I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want. 

There are too many possibilities that I don't know what to do, I still have one year to think about it and concentrate on something I like and make it my job. 

#89

April 9th 2015

I didn't finish yesterday so I decided to finish it today. I had more in mind to share about freedom and diversity. 

Today I school I went to track practice and after that we went to the weight room to finish our work out routine, almost anybody was there and I changed before because my  t-shirt was dirty so I had to change it, the problem was that the only other t-shirt I had was one really shirt, something like a top and my belly was out. I saw that someone was looking  at me like it was something wrong with it. I understand why, but I don't understand why guys can stay without t-shirt during practices but a girl can't. 

This is not right, during gym class, guys are always playing with the t-shirt off and when a girl was pulled her t-shirt up for few minutes a teacher told her to put it down. 

People are hypocrite. 

#87

April 8th 2015

Hi! Today at school my friends and me were talking about my crush, (I don't really like someone but I continue to stare him at school, OK yes I have a crush on someone), and my friend said that she learned sexuality like this: she took a piece of paper and wrote on it. 

5. Homosexual

4.

3. Bi

2.

1. Hetero 

0. Assexual 

She put herself in 4,3. I put myself in 0,5 at the moment, this means that I'm hetero but at the moment I'm not looking for a "boyfriend", this is how I see it. 

I've been thinking about it all day. 

I know I'm hetero or straight, you can decide, and I don't think is normal or weird because is just the way I am and I can't decide what to be and the fact that I like boys it doesn't define me. This is the same thing with homosexual people, they are not different than others just because they like different things then others, it's all about perspective. 

The world is beautiful because is different, it's all based on opposite ans on mix of both. 

One day a friend came to me and she said that she's bisexual, I wasn't surprise because it doesn't change anything to me, but she was surprise that I didn't react like other friends did. I don't remember now what I said but why someone should be "obligate" to be a couple with someone of the opposite sex?

Everybody has a goal, right? Everybody wants to be happy and to be free, people die every day for this reasons, and when it comes to freedom and happiness of others because for different reasons I don't understand why they can't have it. 

One day during my high school years in Italy a teacher, I believe it was my literature teacher, told us a quote from Voltaire which said: “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it” . 

 it made me think and I will never forget it. 

#86

7th April 2015

Hi! Tonight I didn't want to go to sleep and I've been thinking all day. 

This morning in English class we had an assignment that I'm not explaining because it would be too long, and when I was writing it I thought to understand why people are religious, some people. I think, mine it's only an opinoin, people hope that after death there is another infinitive live, that our body will die and our souls will live after us forever in a beautiful world surrounded by love and light, if you behaved positively during your life on the earth or in a dark underground world governed by pain. 

Nobody has evidence about this and with all different religions around the world, it's difficult that everyone is true and we can not say that one religion is superior than the other. 

Like I said I probably know why people believe in a religion, or more who knows, it's because it would be so scary thinking that after this life, where you met people, loved, had fun, lived experiences...everything is gone forever. 

I think life would be better understanding death. I suggest to see a video about it that shows what I think about it and I always said to everyone I talked to about it, it's called "what should we think about death".

Death is not the end of the world, you are not gone ones you died, you are still alive for the people who were part of your life. Death is a natural process of nature, necessarily to bring life again. Not considering another life after this were we are judged on this life on the earth doesn't limit your decisions, instead let you choose good against bad because you decide is the right thing to do. 

And limiting consequences, let the life be more light so you can be free to try know thing and to enjoy better your life because you think there is only one chance and you don't want to lose it. 

It's like if you know you have to die tomorrow, how are you spending the last day of your life? This is how we should live every day, every day as it would be the last one, catching opportunity and do the best every time. And learn how you can live forever. This is what my mom used to tell me. 

I don't want to go further on this topic, also because it's pretty late. 

Good night 

#85

April 5th 2015

Hi! I don't know what's going on but when I'm in bed writing this blog I fall asleep, every single time. 

(then I fell asleep again)

April 6th 2015

I can believe it! It happened again, and this is why don't post something every day. I should find a way to do it. 

OK let's talk about my weekend. 

Saturday I had my first track meet, I was really scared before running but then I calmed down after my "performance". I had to run the 100m and I was the last one, I wasn't ready for that and I was too tense; and the fact that other 7 people were running with me made me more nervous. But after that I felt better; it depends on what way you see it. The meet was all day long and it was really cold so I stayed all Saturday sitting everywhere trying shaking myself because of the cold and then I ran for 15 seconds. After that it was 5:00pm and the day was almost over, remember that u wake up at 6:00am and I was at school at 7:00am. So when I came back to school my mom picked me up and she drop me of to the mall where I met two friends. I went shopping to the mall and I was exhausted and during the day I didn't eat anything so I was also starving. When I'm in this condition I can react in two ways: 

- I'm barely alive: really tired without energy and I sleep everywhere.

- crazy: it seems like I just drank a coffee and I over react doing things that I usually try not to do, like dancing in the middle of a store. (no, it's not true that I like this sometimes, I'm like this every time). 

And on Saturday afternoon/evening I was like this, crazy. 

At the mall I didn't want to buy anything because I had to buy the prom dress the next day so I don't want to spend money where I didn't need to, but I know how I am so I bought a pair of black shorts and a sefie stick (I don't want to talk more about this, I'm ridiculous). And obviously some food, some Asian food. 

Saturday I hoped to sleep because I was exhausted, but my sister came into my room and wake me up saying: "it's easter, wake up! You have to find your water basket!" 

It was to easy I think it was 7:40 am, and I went downstairs with the most ugly face I could have and I looked for my basket. It was on the washing machine. I didn't know that easter here it's like Christmas, almost, and that they do receive presets.

My easter is usually sleeping all day. I really sleep all day every day I have the possibility to and we don't have presents like here, we usually buy a chocolate big egg with always a terrible surprise in it. 

Sunday I really had a lot of fun! It was an awesome day and we spent it with family. We went to my mom's family for brunch and then to my grandma and she gave us awesome baskets with awesome presents. 

When we got home, I put my pyjamas on and I was watching TV with my parents when I best friend called me saying that he was coming to pick me up in 30 minutes so we could go to watch a movie in the theater close to my house. It was 10:30 pm when we got inside the movie theater and we saw the movie "get hard". 

It was hilarious! I loved it. 

It was a little but racist but a good type of racist comedy, it wasn't really offensive. I was laughing really hard that my friends told me. 

This morning, Monday morning, I slept until 12:00 and then I planned with a friend to go to the mall (again) but this time to look for the prom dress,which I found. 

We went there and all day we tried dresses. We went to three different stores before I found my dress.

The first three stores were almost the same: really expensive dresses that I would never wear because too exaggerated, with too many beads and the dresses where decided in sizes so was all confusing. 

The fourth store was the last one in the mall we wanted to see and the dresses weren't really expensive, and the dress I found was the most expensive, and it was the one I would never thought to buy: a pink dress. 

I don't like pink it's not my Color.

I thought to buy a red or blue dress, bur never a pink one.

And here I am, laying on my bed fighting between going to sleep or finish to write here. 

My eyes are keep closing and my brain resting. 

I really have to go now. Good night.