#109

May 27th 2015 

Hi! Tonight  I wanted to go running for a few minutes and when I was going outside it started raining, it's still raining like crazy out there and it's May! 

But I worked out anyways. It's really fun and thinking about jobs I can consider to work in fitness or something like this. I would like to do medicine or criminology; these are my principle ideas. 

People asked me before if there is the possibility to go to college here, in America, and at the beginning I said no, but then I thought about it and I said: "if I'll graduate here I can consider it". 

Today I called my school, I finished my online class yesterday and the dead line was today, I asked if I was going to graduate and they said that I'm good to go and that they will meet me there, at graduation! I'm so excited about it, I actually made it! So about the college here I'll still thinking about it...

I have another year of high school in Italy and then I'm out...then University. 

I'm really, really scared to jump from being a child to an adult. I'm not ready for it. I feel responsible but I don't know if I'm ready for start an independent life: living by myself, doing everything by myself, and growing up so fast that I won't feel the time passing until I'll look at the mirror and see myself changed. 

Study, job, family, friends...everything will change but I'll be the same person but older. 

Nobody gives you indications telling you what to do with your life, you have to try, fall down and then start over again until you know what your mistake was; but then it will be too late. And you can try to teach somebody the lesson you learned but everybody is different, everybody has their story to live, and everybody has their own way. 

I'm just waiting to know mine. 

#108

May 26th 2015 

Hi! Today it's Tuesday and I didn't even know it because I'm in vacation! 

I'm done with school and today I can finally say It because today I finished my online class, finally! So I'm sure that I can graduate in the US. 

Before I didn't even know if I was or not but now it's pretty sure! 

So, yes I made it but I can't say it until I'm there. 

Let's talk now about prom! I went to prom last Friday with my best friend to his school and it was so much fun! The music was perfect and we were dancing together all night. In the after prom we played a lot of games and it was so much fun and I already miss that night. 

I have 16 days left in the US and that's a so short amount of time that I don't know if I have enough time to do all I want to do or to spend enough time with people I love, family and friends. 

I came in the US by myself and I didn't know what it was going to be this hard but I made it, we all made it. 

I would like to say to all the exchange students that we are brave, and whoever out there told us that we couldn't do it, look where we are now; we made it until the end and we are stronger than before because we had went through the biggest experience and biggest fear of life. We can consider ourselves capable of everything because of this and we know more about the world that we could know before; we heard different opinions and point of view that made us a better person. 

Thank you for make this possible because it's being a life change experience and I'm glad I had the opportunity to do it. 

#107

May 20th 2k15 

Hi! Today I started the day with tears in my eyes. I was sad because I'm realizing that I'll leave soon but I still don't realize that is happening, I was sad today because I won't see a lot of friends with who I have a really good connection and a really good relationship and I don't know when I'll see them again. 

I went to the dentist later this morning because I'm having a problem with my teeth, I checked and my teeth are just growing, nothing to worry about.

Then I called my mom and my dad, I talked with them and then I started to study, finishing at late evening and then start to watch some videos in YouTube while my dad was watching the game on TV.

I can literally spend hours watching  those videos. One of the last videos was about couple dating and I realized that I would like to be in that situation but I can't...I'm not able to date because when someone is interest on me I start to run away, and now I understand why I'm starting to "flirt" with guys just now, it's because I'm leaving soon so there is not chance for a relationship because there is not enouth time. It's not that I'm scared of guys because my best friends are guys and they see me like their buddy and I see them in the same way but I don't know how to change that; what I mean is that when I start to know a guy I put him in the friend-zone immediately and they start to see me as a friend and no more or if they see me more then a friend I don't know how to react. 

I'm not just complaining about it trying to change it, I'm not changing it or trying to. It happened to me here: a guy in my school told me that I was one of the most beautiful girls he knows and that he would date me (he's words, but he should change glasses), at the begging of the year a guy wanted to hang out with me but one of the reason I didn't it's because he had a girlfriend and he told me that he liked me (I felt bad about that because I felt like it was my fault even I didn't do anything), I stated to go out with a guy here, we went out a couple of times but I didn't like him and then he told me that he liked me and I honestly said that I didn't see him in that way...and that time when I went to the grocery store few weeks ago and the shop assistance who was a friend of my friend,who was with me, asked her who I was because he thought I was cute; the problem is that I'm leaving!!!! (he's cute too by the way) 

OK there is a problem with me or, without accusing me, with communication:

1- if you are nice with someone they start to think that you like them. 

2- if you are friendly with someone and they ask you to go out and you start thinking: "and what if he likes me and he asked me to go out because he would like to date me one day but I don't like him so what I should say of should do now" this bring to a other point when..."but if he doesn't like him and he just want to be friend with me that's fine but why just me and him, that's weird, so he's just trying to be nice with me ok I will go out". 

3- (I guess this is just me) I also think:" and what about if he doesn't really like me and he's just interested in other factors that once he got it he will not be interest anymore (I don't know if it's clear). So in this case he's only using me and I deserve more. " 

This thoughts block me for having a relationship I think for ever...and I'm scared of the "forever" 

No boyfriend, no problems! 

#106

May 19th 2015 

Hi! I'm always studying on my iPad to be able to graduate and this is making me really tired and I'm having terrible headaches. I'm a little bit worried because tomorrow I'm going to the dentist and it's  a really long time that I don't go...a really long time. I'm scared of the dentist, I used to be, because when I went there they pull me two teeth out and it was terrible, then I passed out and I though up on my mom new jacket, no before I trough out and then I passed out. 

And tomorrow in going! The problem is that my wisdom teeth are growing, three of them and they hurt so bad, sometimes I can't eat because it hurts a lot. 

I'm leaving earlier from school tomorrow and then I only gave two days left of school, then I'm done! No completely because I have to finish an online class, pretty long; but then I'm out of school. 

#105

May 18th 2015 

Hi! Today is been an awesome day at school because I discovered that I don't have to take the final exams, so this week is my last week of school; I passed the OGT, so this means that If I'll finish my online class on time I can graduate in the US and I'm working hard on this online class so I will graduate! 

If I'll take the high school diploma here I can take in consideration the possibility of studying in an University in the US, but I don't know jet. 

Living in the US or in a different country, different then your home country, you start to understand that you can have that life, I don't know if this makes sense, it's like having two lives and try to choose which one you want to have...everything is possible. 

OK changing subject, today I add the number of the guy who I'm talking to  in school, maybe flirting...my friends said we flirt but I don't know. 

The problem is that I'm a little bit too late... I only have 24 days left in the US. 

I don't really know how I feel about going back home, I was just talking today with my dad here about it...the time is gone so fast!! 

Yesterday, the 17th, it was 9 mouths in the US and less then a month to go. 

I don't know what to expect once I'll be back to my old life, I wouldn't realize at first but the fact that I'm going back during the summer maybe can help, but when it's time to go back to school I will be do done that I will miss the school here. 

OK once again it's time to go to bed. 

Good night. 

#104

May 13th 2015 

Hi! Today I'm going to bed earlier then usual, and it's been a weird day for me because I didn't stay for workout at school and instead I ate all afternoon (chips, gelato, banana, beagle, chocolate cake, popcorn and something also for sure, cookies....), I kept eating I kept feeling hungry; that's probably because I'm on my period, but still it's not an excuse. 

Then after I finish eating I spent 3.30 hours studying my apax, the online class I need to finish to be able to graduate this year; and I still don't know if I'll graduate. 

After these I went downstairs to  watch TV with my parents, and  now I'm in bed. I already know what to do later...watch videos on YouTube (my obsession lately). 

But before I want to express my today crazy thoughts: after I studied like crazy without a break for 3.30 hours  (without considering school), I watch a video of a baby laughing because her mom was doing weird sounds with the mouth and then I asked myself What does a baby laugh for? What effects emotions of a baby? What scares a baby?... 

If you are not conscious of life how can you relate things? 

I just asked myself about it and I didn't look for an answer but I will, no just about babies themselves but more in general. 

It's time; Goodnight or Buona Notte. 

#103

May 11th 2015

Hi! It's pretty late and I should go to bed because I already dont know  how I will feel tomorrow morning ...terrible!

Today was a pretty busy day because I had my last meet and I beet my own high score but in the middle of the meet when weather started getting  pretty bed and a tornado was supposed to hit, they cancelled the meet. The problem was that there were 16-17 school so the meet was really long. 

May 12th 2015.

Yesterday I fell asleep, I was really tired and today too. 

This morning didn't wake up at all so I missed the all first period. 

And since yesterday was my last track meet I don't have anymore practices, and I'm in part sad and in part happy, I'm happy for this experience, I stayed anyways to workout with a friend. 

I was so exited! Then we went to the movie theater too see the Avengers! I loved it. 

Tonight is very confused, I can't think about anything, I'm so tired that i can't do anything and the only thing I can think of is that after today I have 30 days left in the US! 

One month left to enjoy this experience and go back home! It's crazy how you can be happy and sad at he same time and for the same thing. But days go on quickly and every day I have one less. 

Good night! 

#102

May 10th 2015 

Hi! Here I am once again! 

Today is mother's day! So ...Happy mother's day to every mother out there; I hope you all had a good day and you felt special but remember that you are special every single day for someone: your kids. 

I don't know how being a mother is but I know how being a daughter is, so I know that I don't thank my mom enough because being a mother it's the hardest job. 

Thank you for always be there for me, thank you for loving me and supporting me, thank you for taking care of me and worrying about me, thank you mom for carrying me in your bally for 9 mouths, thank you for be so strong even when you felt sad or sick, for educating me and teaching me right from wrong, thank you for never giving up on me when everybody did it, thank you for raising me by yourself and for being the best mom you could be for your family... 

And I'm sorry mom, sorry if I didn't thank you enough, sorry if I didn't say "I love you" every time you needed to ear it, sorry if I was too hard with you sometimes and if I told you that I didn't love you but I do, I love you mom, sorry if I didn't listen to your suggestions because I wanted to do it my way, I know you were trying to help, sorry mom, I'm extremely sorry If I wasn't there for you when you needed me, I didn't mean to it.

You're a wonderful person and a wonderful soul. 

Happy mother's day ❤

Love you mom

#101

May 3rd 2k15 

Hi! I just finished my homework for tomorrow and it's pretty late! This weekend I didn't have time to do anything! Friday I didn't go to school so I slept and during the afternoon I went to a store to buy the tuxedo with my date for prom, a friend came with us too so then we went to the mall together. My friend found the dress for the prom on Friday and the prom was yesterday night, do Saturday! She was that late because her dress ripped so she had to buy another one. 

After the mall we went to target and we shopped there too. 

I spent the night in her house that night and she started to do my hair for prom before we went to bed. 

Saturday during lunch time we went to my house and we finished to get ready for the big night: shower, hair, makeup, nails, put the dress on, put shoes on, take hundreds of pictures, and then finally we were ready! 

Other friends came over to get ready and then, when it was time, my grandma pick us up to go to take some pictures and then go to prom! 

PROM!!!! It was so fun! I had a lot of fun and my friends too! 

We danced all night (evening). 

I wore a pick princess dress and silver shoes and I had my hair up and straight; I was a completely different person! 

Going to prom made me think that I have few days left in the US and that I have to make a very day a special one because nobody can give me these days back! 

You know when people say: live every day like if it was the last one... This now is my case and I understand  what doest it mean. 

#100

May 1st 2015

Hi! Here I am once again! It's a long time that I don't write something here and I feel really bad for this, every night I try but I'm really tired and I fall asleep. Tonight I'm sleeping in a friend house, we started to get ready for the prom that is going to be tomorrow afternoon. 

I want to talk about something in particular tonight, something that it's been stuck in my head since my birthday. The day of my birthday, less then a week ago, we had an assembly at school about abuse in relationships. It was shocking because I never knew how many things are considered abuse. 

There was a lot of statistics about abuse and the two I remember the most are: 

-One on three hight school's students have been abuse 

-93% of the victims see his abuser usually during his everyday life, this means that his part of the family or a friend, someone you trust. 

After that assembly I changed mood and I start to think a lot about it. 

I like the fact that in the USA people have to go to schools and talk about this,  for information. 

Where I'm from nobody told me this and now I understand a lot more. 

I would like, probably next year, to do the same in some schools in Italy, because I believe that students should know more about this subject, it really made me understand the definition of private space and what it means to love youself and be  confident of yourself. The guys who was telling us about abuse said:" if you are not confident of youself you're more likely to be controlled from someone else". 

I will never let someone be owner of something that doesn't belong to them, that's a promess I do to myself because I think I'm enough and I'm brave enough to let you go away even if this means to be alone if you don't respect me. This is what I learned and what I wanted to understand. 

#99

April 27th 2015 

Hi! Today is my birthday and I had a really good time. 

Yesterday I had a party in my house with some friends. it wasn't only my birthday party, I had the party with a friend from school because she has the birthday two days after mine. 

It was fun, I believe, we danced, we played some games, we ate a lot of food and we played in the trampoline. 

The party was good but I was really tired because my friend and I spent  the weekend going grocery shopping and cooking for the party. We start cooking at 7 on Saturday morning and during the evening I had a meet with the exchange program. I stayed over there so I didn't get any sleep, also because the next morning I had to start cooking early and then get ready. If I don't sleep during the weekend I'm tired all the following week so I can't do anything, like homework, think and write in this blog. It's really hard don't be able to think and find something to write in a blog at the same time.