#112

June 5th 2015

Hi! Today it's been a fun and sad day, both at the same time because today I had my goodbye party and probably I saw some of my friends for the last time and I met some new. 

We had fun, I guess, but I'll miss them and I don't know if I'll see them another day since I'm leaving next Friday, one week from now! 

I don't want to think about it now. 

And I'll miss my family a lot! The kids and my parents! 

I know I'll cry on the plain when I'll go back home and I know I'll do it before too, maybe right now. 

It's been a good experience and the fact that it's going to end soon makes this last days even more special, considering that from this moment everything is the last time. Tomorrow it's my last Saturday in the US (for now), and every day of this next week it'll be my last; but I can also say that next Saturday I'll be back home with my mom and my sister, I'll see my friends again, hug them and feel their love where I'm present. I'll touch them all the time because they won't seem real for me, I'll feel like in a dream. I'll be happy for that moment, but I'll turn sad and depressed when I'll remember my life here and know that I can't have it again. 

Today, when after the party I went home, I was cleaning the dishes while I was listening to music on my phone and the song that was playing said: "I don't know why I love you so much" and then I was thinking, maybe for the first time, what is love and how can you love someone and then you can't imagine a life without that person. 

OK, yes I know the feeling because I love my mom and my sister but I'm taking about love in a relationship. 

I don't know how can you love someone of the same sex or opposite sex who doesn't have any relation with you and you can't live without his person. It's like if I meet a guy tomorrow and I we "fall in love" with each other and we can live without each other. It's not logic (love is not logic or rational I know! That's why I can't understand it), you lived your whole life without this person and now what you met this person your life can't go on without him/her...How?

I don't understand how you have to ask permission to this person for everything or making plans considering what's the other person plans are; or getting mad because this person it's not replaying to your messages the way you want or is not replaying at all...(OK no in this last case I get mad). The craziest thing about relationships is when you say that your partner is yours!!! You don't own a person! 

But after all, I'm not a cold person...

#111

June 3rd 2k15 

Hi! Few days left here and I'm not ready to leave. 

Today I was in my friend house and we were talking about our friendship, how we became friends and the fact that we won't have this again. 

This guy is my best friend and I love him so much (as a friend). 

We were asking each other and try to figure out how we became so close friends; but we didn't find an answer. 

The first day we met each other was September 20th 2014, more then a month after I was in the US, we were in our coordinator house with other two exchange students and we never really talked to each other. Then I remember that we organized to go together in a church group that was close to his house so I went there; since then we never stopped talking and go out together. 

He is my best friend here and I don't really know how my life would be without him, I mean it. 

I think sometimes about  how my like here would have  been without him and I wouldn't be that good and we support each other when we needed it. I think we are this close because we had the same king of situation and talking about it brought us closer. 

He is the only person who can understand me and I'm the only person who can understand him, probably. 

I loved this experience but I had my good and bed moments and I'm glad that I had the possibility to do it. This experience changed me and made me the person I am today. 

#110

May 30th 2015

Hi! I have twelve days left in the US and it's not a long time...

The time is really flying and I didn't  even notice it. I'll be home soon and I don't know what to do, what to expect. I'll see my family again, my friends, I'll eat the food I used to eat and go to placed I used to go, I'll speak the same language I used to speak and I'll sleep in the same bed I used to sleep. I'll have my life back in a few days and then what will  happen with the life I have here..? What about my family here, my friends, the food, my bed, places, language... When will I have this again? 

This is my problem now, and I don't think it's only mine; when I left home I was exhausted because I was going to live a new life and a new experience and I knew what I would be back home after 10 months so I was like "see you later"; but what about now? I hope to be back one day, but when? I'm not sure, I don't know, when I will see everybody again. I know that some of my friends I'll never see them again. What I should say to them? "Addio"?! 

This is an Italian way to say: "I'm says goodbye but forever"; I don't know if in English there is a word to say it. 

My biggest fear when I first came here was that people wouldn't remember me, my fear was to be forgotten, like if I never expected. What if people will forget about me one day? Or maybe if listening my name or about the Italian exchange student senior in 2015 they will be like: who?! 

I believe that after you are "gone", you are still there when people remember about you; you'll always be there for people that love you. 

And if nobody remembers you, nobody cared about you. 

Fortunately I found people that love me and maybe a chance (let's just leave this word without explanations). 

Who know what's next!