Hi! Today I started the day with tears in my eyes. I was sad because I'm realizing that I'll leave soon but I still don't realize that is happening, I was sad today because I won't see a lot of friends with who I have a really good connection and a really good relationship and I don't know when I'll see them again.
I went to the dentist later this morning because I'm having a problem with my teeth, I checked and my teeth are just growing, nothing to worry about.
Then I called my mom and my dad, I talked with them and then I started to study, finishing at late evening and then start to watch some videos in YouTube while my dad was watching the game on TV.
I can literally spend hours watching those videos. One of the last videos was about couple dating and I realized that I would like to be in that situation but I can't...I'm not able to date because when someone is interest on me I start to run away, and now I understand why I'm starting to "flirt" with guys just now, it's because I'm leaving soon so there is not chance for a relationship because there is not enouth time. It's not that I'm scared of guys because my best friends are guys and they see me like their buddy and I see them in the same way but I don't know how to change that; what I mean is that when I start to know a guy I put him in the friend-zone immediately and they start to see me as a friend and no more or if they see me more then a friend I don't know how to react.
I'm not just complaining about it trying to change it, I'm not changing it or trying to. It happened to me here: a guy in my school told me that I was one of the most beautiful girls he knows and that he would date me (he's words, but he should change glasses), at the begging of the year a guy wanted to hang out with me but one of the reason I didn't it's because he had a girlfriend and he told me that he liked me (I felt bad about that because I felt like it was my fault even I didn't do anything), I stated to go out with a guy here, we went out a couple of times but I didn't like him and then he told me that he liked me and I honestly said that I didn't see him in that way...and that time when I went to the grocery store few weeks ago and the shop assistance who was a friend of my friend,who was with me, asked her who I was because he thought I was cute; the problem is that I'm leaving!!!! (he's cute too by the way)
OK there is a problem with me or, without accusing me, with communication:
1- if you are nice with someone they start to think that you like them.
2- if you are friendly with someone and they ask you to go out and you start thinking: "and what if he likes me and he asked me to go out because he would like to date me one day but I don't like him so what I should say of should do now" this bring to a other point when..."but if he doesn't like him and he just want to be friend with me that's fine but why just me and him, that's weird, so he's just trying to be nice with me ok I will go out".
3- (I guess this is just me) I also think:" and what about if he doesn't really like me and he's just interested in other factors that once he got it he will not be interest anymore (I don't know if it's clear). So in this case he's only using me and I deserve more. "
This thoughts block me for having a relationship I think for ever...and I'm scared of the "forever"
No boyfriend, no problems!
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