#98

April 23rd 2015 

Hi! Today my mom text me saying:" I can wait to hug you again in 50 days". 

50 days left in the US, then this experience is done, I don't know anymore who I am without this experience. 

In this period I'm always thinking about it, thinking about the day I will be home again. Sometimes I want to go home to see my family, my friends, my place again and to eat my food again...sleeping in my bed again, having my schedule back and walking around...

I have millions of things I want back but then I can't go to school with the yellow bus, have free time, going around the school, using a locker, having different classmates every hour ( so if I don't like someone I don't have to see him/her all day), have sport all week (I'm not so sure that I will miss this)...I will miss my family and my friends here and see every day in the hallway that cute guy I have a crush on, the relationship between students and teachers (I love the Italian way too but sometimes a mix of both it will be perfect). Go to the gym after school every day. 

I hope this summer,when I'll be home, to the gym, lose weight and getting a very muscular body. 

I will miss a lot of here I know. 

I promise I will be back to see more, I would like to go around more, visit different stares...maybe one day I will come by myself and go around every states, this would be awesome. 

#97

April 22nd 2015 

Hi! Here I am once again! As always I'm in bed waiting to fall asleep while I'm writing the post. Today other two girls asked me again how do I feel about coming back home, four people today asked me this question now that I remember. 

I don't know, seriously, I'm so used to live here that thinking about coming back home it scares me. 

I don't remember much about before, If feels like another life, everything seems so far away, like in a dream. 

I seriously don't know how I will react  when I'll get home, I know I will be super happy but they said I will be "depressed" for no reason. Or in my openion I will have fun and be free. 

I'm always looking for freedom, I came here looking for it, this was one of my hundreds of reasons. I discovered that I'm always free, freedom is everywhere, if you have it, it follows you; but if you run looking for it, you will never find it. 

#96

April 21st 2015

Hi! Sunday was my brother 1st month and I gave him a present. Yesterday was Monday and it was another beginning of the week and today, Tuesday, I had a meet for track. I'm want last today and I hope to bit my personal record for the 100m next time, since I have only two meets left. 

When I going to raice, every single time, I'm never ready to run, but when I start I don't think about anything and I try to do my best. And now I'm in my bed trying to stay up because I'm too tired. I seriously need to sleep more because to wake me up in the morning I need a miracle. 

Next week is my birthday and I'm not ready; every day people ask me if I'm ready to go home, and I never know what to say and the fact that my birthday is coming makes me sad-mad too. I don't want to be 18, nothing will change but you are considered an adult so now I can't do what I want, they everybody would say: "you are too old for this". Sad right?!

#95

April 19th 2015 

Hi! Here I am finally in bed. Yesterday I went to my friend house to a sleepover. We were all exchange students and he organized it a long time ago. It was fun: we played games, we are chips and we made pizza, it was so good, and we stayed around the fire. 

We really had a good time together and this is awesome and sad at the same time because we can not do it anymore because we all have less the two months here, and then we will go back to our home country. 

Around the fire, two friends and me, talked about life and believes, America and his history, diversity and identification. We talked about everything and we express our thoughts and we listened to what the others had to say. 

Now I don't remember everything we said but one of the things I remember is: when you describe a friend if he/she is "black" you said it or if he/she is "white" you don't say it in the description. At first I said no, this is not true, but then I realized it because I do it too, or if I don't do it there is always the question: Is he/she "black"or"white"? 

It's ok, I mean, it's justified because of the history behind it. 

Another subject was religion, I'm agnostic or atheist, I still have to figure it out. We talked about the representation of God, like a old white man with a white long bear and white long hair and I said: if you believe that God is an upper power, why do you represent it like an old man? 

Who knows. 

Also about it I said how can you believe in something that has a topic changed in millions of years like, before God was always mad and angry and now is a kind man who loves everyone, or the different things you have to do wrong to go to hell. Everybody would be there now if it didn't change. 

#93-94

April 14th 2015

Hi! Here I am and ready to go to bed. 

8 months ago I was at the airport leaving my family to come here to America, 8 months ago I didn't know how the next 10 months were going to be, 8 months ago I didn't know what I was really going through. Nobody can prepare you for an experience like this, nobody. 

I was was ready to go and live this experience and even if I wasn't i would have come anyway.

And today it's also 3 month of my vegeterian diet and it's going great. 

April 17th 2015 

I feel bad because I didn't post for a while. The 14th was 8 months I left my family and today is 8 months in Ohio. Today I finished my volonteer hours for the program of exchange student that I had to do and it was  fun. I went to the middle school across my school and they had the dance so I helped in the "cookies section " with a friend. Our job want to check and make sure that everything was alright.

This week was a really existing week, gym every day, more homework and then after that I worked out with my dad at home and I started to see Kevin Hart's show and I can't stop. He's so funny, I never laughed that hard and I was crying while I was watching. 

And now that I'm thinking about it I'm about to see another show and then go to bed. 

Tomorrow morning  I'm going to see Home, the Movie,with my family and then I have a "party" in my friend's house and I'm sleeping over there.

Good night!

#92

April 13th 2015

Hi! Here I am once again!

I'm so sore today! I was working out with dad in the garage this evening and we did some workout in TV. 

Tomorrow I will have a track meet and I'm going to do the open 100m and the 4x200m. I hope we will have fun!

I was just thinking how much I changed in this 8 months, I'm not the same person I was when I left Italy. In 8 months you create a new life with new friends, family, routine, house, food, rules...new everything; and after 8 months you start to get used to it and I think it will be hard to give up everything again. More things and people to love which and who you have to say goodbye once again. 

But, on the other hand, I will be back to what I used to have, see again people that I love and go back to my old life...but it will not be the same. 

As I said before, I changed, everything about me changed. I hope I changed in better. 

Everything we have is there to make us a better person. 

Yes I like this, It makes you keep going even when you are about to give up. 

But if you think about it, it could be a random power governing the world and the universe, who knows. 

We can believe in fate of random order, but the only certain thing is that we are alive and that anyway we have the power to change the world. 

#90-91

April 10th 2015 

Hi! Here I am again. I'm so tired tonight that I can't even move from the couch to go to bed. 

Today was a good/bad day, and at the end I was sad.

I hope it's just a moment and that tomorrow it will be gone. 

I went to the Musical in my school tonight with some girlfriends but another friend was supposed to come too, I get so mad so mad when people don't know how to make plans (I'm talking in general), he told me that he wasn't coming 10 minutes before the play started that what drive me crazy. I'm not talking in particular about this friend. 

April 12th 2015 

Hi! The musical was good and my "crush" was there. 

That day I was sad because I realized that I will be by myself for the rest of my life; this is what I thought. 

That was just a moment. I like this, to be single and to be independent, I love it, but sometimes would like more, a different kind of company. 

I have my best friend here and without him I don't know where I'd be now but, even if in rare moments, I would like to like someone and this person to like me back. 

Maybe not now, maybe in 2 years, who knows. 

I'm going  to be 18 soon and this is for me really stressful, It makes me over thinking, it makes me feel like the time is going really fast and I don't know what to do with my future. 

Yes, that's right! At this age I have infinite possibility to make my future as I like, I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want. 

There are too many possibilities that I don't know what to do, I still have one year to think about it and concentrate on something I like and make it my job.